Yes, you have to be willing to look like an idiot sometimes.
Role-playing in the bedroom can be fun and hot – and on top of that, it can be really great for discovering different aspects of your sexuality.
It allows you to safely explore your relationship with your fantasies, with taboo, with power, with who you are and what turns you on – all while giving you the opportunity to play make-believe. You know, that super fun thing you stopped doing when you reached a certain age because you had to become ~grown up and mature~ or whatever.
BuzzFeed Health chatted with sex expert Ian Kerner, PhD, founder of GoodInBed.com and sexuality educator Sandra Daugherty, host of Sex Nerd Sandra, to get their best tips for making role-playing amazing. Here’s what they said:
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First, know that there’s no set definition of what role-playing entails – it’s all about what you and your partner are into.
A lot of people hear “role-play” and their minds immediately jump to, “You get a costume, I get a costume, we play out an official scene, we can’t break character. Go,” says Daugherty. But that’s such a high bar – and it’s only a small part of what role-playing can be.
Depending on what you and your partner want, role-playing can be taking on characters (“You be the prince, I’ll be the stableboy”). It can be wearing costumes and making a sex tape. It can be playing out simple scenarios (“Let’s pretend we’re in high school again and our parents are right downstairs”). It can be playing with dominance and submission. It can be playing with setting (“What would it be like if we were students at Hogwarts?”). It can be talking through a fantasy you have without actually carrying it out. TL;DR, it can be anything that allows you to explore different personalities, temperaments, and ways of expressing yourself sexually.
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Don’t put a ton of pressure on it being this crazy sexy time – it should be fun before anything else.
Sure, plenty of people get into role-playing as a way to ~spice up their sex lives~ or whatever, but you have to keep the bar low. Instead, go into it thinking that it could be something silly and new to try with your partner. Above all else, you have to be willing to laugh at yourself – because yes, there’s lots of room for error and you’re not going to do everything perfectly.
“Play should be for its own sake,” says Daugherty. “It doesn’t have to get you super turned on. It doesn’t have to be anything other than play for fun. You have a good laugh, and five minutes later, you’re having the best sex of your life.”
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Reeeeally simple prompts work great, so don’t feel the need to plot anything intricate.
If a multi-act character-driven role-play extravaganza is your thing, by all means, YOU DO YOU. But things can be a lot easier than that – basically, all you need is one sentence to kick things off.
“It can literally be something as simple as, ‘You didn’t do your homework’ to begin playing with a dynamic. ‘Shh, my parents will hear us.’ ‘Don’t tell your wife,'” says Daugherty. “One sentence and then you’re done. And then the rest of your play can be exactly what you normally do, but then there’s an extra layer of excitement, a little extra fire.”
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